


Cleaning Out The Closet

by ForgottenChesire



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Clearing the air, Gen, Pre-Epilogue, Slight Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 13:30:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11253936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgottenChesire/pseuds/ForgottenChesire
Summary: The war is over and healing has begun. But before Harry can really begin he has to have a talk. He has to make sure that respect is given where others don't think it's deserved. Snape hadn't been the best man but he did the best he thought he could do... Even if Harry doesn't always believe it himself. And he had been the one who held the man as he died. So this talk had to happen. Hopefully it would help as much as Harry thought it would.





	Cleaning Out The Closet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarthCaligo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthCaligo/gifts).



The room is quiet, which is a surprise considering who else is in the room with him. But they are doing all they can do to ignore him as he stares down one portrait and Harry is thankful for their consideration. If silence can be considered consideration.

 

“I hated you, still do in a way,” he tells the portrait. Its occupant watches him with a look of curiosity and anticipation in his black eyes. Harry's eyes take in the hooked nose and long black hair. Like he's trying to memorize the face.

 

“You were the boogeyman that haunted my dreams, right along with Voldemort,” he says enjoying the freedom in knowing that man, that monster will never torment him again, “a tormentor, a bully just like my aunt and uncle and cousin.”

 

He doesn't add that his aunt and cousin smothered him in love when he came back to let them know all was safe. That Dudley had looked so relieved that he was alive. That Aunt Petunia had slipped up and called him Lily and apologized to him when she had one too many drinks. And maybe it's a good thing that he doesn't mention it because there is no shame on that face. Just a look of patience that makes Harry want to laugh with a manic edge. Of course the only time Snape would be patient with him is when the older man is dead and gone.

 

“Now… now that I know why you did what you did, I want to hate you less. I want to pretend that my understanding that you had to be cruel to me so that Voldemort wouldn't question your loyalty means I can forgive you but I can't.”

 

Snape gives him a soft look that looks so unnatural that Harry wonders if the painting really is Snape. But Harry can tell that it's genuine the part of Harry that is alway searching for someone to look at him kindly cannot dismiss it.

 

“It's a hard thing for an adult raised by loving parents and wanted for nothing to understand, I can only imagine how it must have been for you,” the man still speaks with that low drawl that Harry doubts he’ll ever forget. He doubts any student that had Snape will be able to forget that voice and the way he seemed to glide down the halls.

 

“I would apologize,” Snape continues, “if I thought keeping you safe was something to apologize for. I do not which means I would be lying to you. And I want to stop lying to you.”

 

Harry opens his mouth to say something, anything that but Snape isn't done talking yet.

 

“I know now that there might have- no, that there were better ways to go about it. Ways that your mother would have been okay with me using. Ways that didn't have me turning into you father when he was younger. And for  _ that _ I am sorry. But I am not a perfect man, nor a good one.”

 

They stare at each other. Neither knowing how to put what they want to express into words. Snape’s regret at never knowing the son of the one person he loved. Harry's sense of loss at the fact he never got to know someone who didn't seem to worship the ground his father walked on and was willing to speak of his mother when she was young. The stinging sense of loss, of that what if. What if Voldemort hadn't come back? What if Sirius was released and Harry got to know both of them? What if he could have helped both his godfather and Snape? And so much more. It's all there in the air unsaid and waiting. Finally, Snape speaks again.

 

“You turned out to be a very good man.”

 

Harry blinks in surprise. He gives a small smile.

 

“And you are a better man than you think you are,” Harry says in return, “one that I may be able to forgive and speak of without pain one day.”

 

Snape inclines his head neither agreeing nor agreeing.

 

“Is that why you convinced them to let me stay in this room?” Snape asks softly. He glances around the Headmaster’s office that he so shortly used with a look that Harry can't read. There are too many emotions that he never imagined he'd see on Snape’s face.

 

“That and because even with our differences in opinion you were always loyal.”

 

“Always,” Snape echoes.

 

Harry bids Snape farewell after that, knowing that this won't be his last talk with the professor’s portrait. There is too much between them to be said, to be handled, to be put to rest with one talk. He walks out of that room only to linger in the doorway. His hand rests on the jamb as he looks over his shoulder at the room, at the portraits lining the walls. Yes, there are too many memories here for him to be done in one day. Thankfully McGonagall won't begrudge him a visit or two to talk. Because after Snape he wants words with Dumbledore. When he's stabler he will bring to light the man’s manipulative ways and how in some ways he was just as bad as the Dursleys. But that is for a later talk.


End file.
